I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
