I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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