my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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