if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
