I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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