maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
