I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
