you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
