I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
