I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't deserve a penis
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
