She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize