I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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