theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
