That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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