Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
