Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
time to smoke my breakfast
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
