ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
