Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize