Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
