Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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