3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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