Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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