umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
