I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
