I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
