I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
