My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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