You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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