mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
