Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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