Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
