the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize