its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
