Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize