In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
