I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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