yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
