Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
