Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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