it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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