So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
