I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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