I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
