Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
3 2 1 whiskey
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
