Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish I only lived at night.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
