Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
