My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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