I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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