dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
