True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize