Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
