from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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