I think I died a long time ago.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
