a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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