No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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