"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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