dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
