I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize