he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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