I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
