So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
