Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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