I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm too high and old for this...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
