well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
