she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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