I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
