Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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