I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
