I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
