i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we're so committed to being not committed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
