hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
