I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
