Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
