Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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