you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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