it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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