If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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