Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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