go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
