I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize