He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
