Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
