Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
