we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
