Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
