Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
