no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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