Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
