No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
