Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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